


V.

by llcflms



Series: 霧嶋 [5]
Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: Gen, Oh wells, i just don't get to it in this fic??, idk if i should put major character death there because like, the kirishima fam is so precious i love them, we know she dies at the end of the fight
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-08
Updated: 2020-07-08
Packaged: 2021-03-05 05:01:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,217
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25138897
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/llcflms/pseuds/llcflms
Summary: 5 stages of Hikari's life.
Relationships: Kirishima Arata/Kirishima Hikari, Kirishima Ayato & Kirishima Hikari, Kirishima Hikari & Kirishima Touka, Kirishima Hikari & Yomo Renji
Series: 霧嶋 [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1820917
Comments: 2
Kudos: 9





	V.

**Author's Note:**

> Chapter: Hikari
> 
> This fic was also my entry for Kirishima Week 2017 Day 8 (Hikari and Arata).

**i. Brother**

“Sis…”

Hikari forces herself to smile and turns to Renji. Renji shrinks into himself, hugging his legs close to his body as he buries his face into his knees.

“What do we do now?”

She remains silent, turning away to look at what’s before her. The place is bleak and gloomy. Rain pelts down hard against the miserable shelter they have above their heads. It sounds as if the zinc ceiling might fall apart anytime and Hikari wonders what she’ll do if that happens. She’ll be fine, but Renji’s much younger and so much frailer and weaker.

_He needs to toughen up._

“Have you ever played in the rain before?” she asks. She looks at her brother and he looks back at her, face scrunched up in doubt and worry.

“No. It’s cold and it hurts when it hits me,” he complains.

“You’re wasting your life away,” Hikari scoffs. She gets up and reaches for his arm. Renji gives out a soft whine of protest but concedes to his sister’s tugging. Hikari shivers slightly as she feels the rain pelt down on her, soaking her clothes in icy water. Renji squeaks, jumping at the feeling and tightening his hold on her.

“Sis, this is— WAAAAH!” His words were cut off with a scream as Hikari pulls him forward and leaps into a puddle, splashing water all over themselves. She takes both of his hands, spinning both of them in the puddle. His face is largely obstructed by his long silver hair, plastered on his face and curtaining his eyes. Yet, she sees the beginnings of a smile on his face and she pulls him again, running forward. Renji scampers to keep up with her.

“On the count of three, we jump!” Hikari says.

“H-huh? Wait… S-sis?”

“One…”

“Sis???”

“Two…”

“SIS WAIT—”

“Three!” she cries out, cutting into his words. Despite his protest, Renji leaps along with her. The puddle before them splashes almost to dryness as they land, only to be filled once again with falling droplets. Both siblings are on the knees on the ground, practically a pile of mess.

“Sis, our clothes,” Renji whines, tugging on one of the sleeves of his black hoodie.

“They’ll dry!” she laughs. Hikari reaches over to the side, before cupping her hands to scoop some water up. By the time Renji notices it, she had already flung her hands towards him, sending the water flying right at him. It splashes right on his fact, eliciting a surprised shriek and an annoyed whine.

“Sis!”

“I’m gonna dunk you in,” she sang playfully.

“Wah??”

“C’mere, you!”

She lunges at him but he manages to scramble away with a slight scream. Renji gets to his feet before he starts jogging away and Hikari runs after him, shouting and screaming playful curses and threats. Renji continues to run, occasionally glancing back with victorious glances and giggles. Eventually, Hikari catches up to him, winding her arms around him and unintentionally pushing him to the ground. Renji squeals from the fall, laughing at they both lie by each other’s side.

They’re a mess, surrounded by a greater mess, but Hikari doubts she’s seen Renji smile this wide, especially not after they lost their family. His smile brings her more joy than their little game had and she resolves to keep that smile on his face.

They only have each other, at least for that moment. He only has her and she’s the only one who can be there for him. 

_I promise you._

* * *

**ii. Husband**

“Hikari!”

“What is it?” she cries out, walking towards the sound of Arata’s exasperated voice. She leaves the house and sees him crouching over by a couple of paint tins.

“Why are they purple?” he asked.

“Those are for the baby’s room!” Hikari explains.

“I wanted pink!” Arata cries out. “It’ll look pretty if our child’s a girl. We can design her room just like the room we saw in the catalogue.”

“Except, we don’t know if it’s going to be a girl,” Hikari sighs. “Besides, pink isn’t that nice a colour.”

“But—”

“I like purple,” Hikari says. “Anyway, it’s a shade that’s a mix of pink and blue so isn’t that nice?”

Hikari’s tone is tinged with bitterness at her husband’s idealistic perfection, but he seems to be honestly considering her words. Arata reaches over to an opened paint tin and looks in. He nibbles on his lips for a moment and scratches the back of his neck for another moment. After a period of silence, he sighs and stands up.

“Well, whatever you want,” he chuckles. “It’s time to paint.”

It’s just the two of them and setting up a house is a lot of work, especially with a pregnant woman in the midst. But even then, they take it one step at a time and despite other possible areas, the room they start with is none other than the baby’s room. Arata does move of the work, partly due to his insistence that too much manual labour might be detrimental to the baby and his wife, but it’s not like he’s the strongest of men either— in fact, it’s quite the contrary. Hikari eventually ends up helping with the walls as well, slowly dipping the rollers in paint and spreading them on white patches. Arata takes the top, standing on ladders and stretching his body in awkward angles, while Hikari takes the bottom. It takes them hours, practically the whole of the day, but when it’s done, husband and wife stand by the entrance to the room, exhauster, perspiring and with bodies stained in paint patches. Yet, looking at their accomplishment makes them swell with pride, even if it is mere empty purple walls.

“We’ll give her the best room ever,” Arata announces.

“Or him.”

“Or him,” Arata laughs.

They have no idea if their child is going to be born as a boy or girl. They have no idea if the child is even going to be born or if it’s going to live to see the room they’re working hard for. But as such is the life of a ghoul— they can never foresee everything. For all they know, the child might survive but they might not. But whatever it is, Hikari vows to live in the moment, for the moment. She doesn’t know what the future holds but she can still enjoy what’s before her.

Hikari reaches to wind her arms around Arata’s shoulder and he leans forward to capture her lips in his. His hands cup her cheeks and he pushes forward, kissing her harder. She returns the force, lightly pushing him till he’s leaning against the door.

“I love you,” he murmurs against her lips, before pulling her in for another kiss. “I love you, now and forever.”

His words are cheesy and Hikari had never used to find such things enjoyable. They made her cringe and made her skin crawl as her face twists in disgust. Yet when it’s said in his voice— his gentle, soothing voice that makes any word sound like it’s being sung out in a lullaby— it makes her heart race and her stomach twist in a very different manner. It’s calming and enjoyable and despite all the troubles and worries she has plaguing her mind, Hikari can relax and drown in it.

She loves it. More than anything, she loves him.

“Now and forever,” she murmurs.

* * *

**iii. Daughter**

“Mom!”

“What is it?”

The younger girl looks up at her, cheeks puffed out and arms stretched out. Hikari sighs a little and reaches down to scoop her up into her arms. Touka grins at this, wrapping her small arms around her mother’s neck as she cheerfully kicks her legs. Hikari smiles at her, yet groans inwardly at how heavy Touka’s starting to get, especially with how difficult it is for Hikari to lift her up in her current weakened state.

“Weee! I’m so high up now!”

“You sure are,” Hikari laughs along.

“I’m gonna be super tall one day! Taller than you! And even Dad!” Touka announces. She reaches her hands upwards, grasping at air in kiddish amusement.

“Then, I’ll look forward to that day,” Hikari replies. “You can start doing all the work.”

“Huh?”

“Because Mom’s too short to reach high places, Touka can clean them instead!”

“I don’t wanna!” Touka cries out.

“You have to help Mom soon you know,” Hikari sighs. She places Touka back down, standing up straight to stretch her now-cramped back. Touka looks up at her, pouting with crossed arms.

“Why?” she whines. “I don’t wanna clean. I wanna play!”

Hikari laughs at Touka’s insistence. It’s nostalgic, watching her daughter live and grow. It’s strange for her to admit it herself, but Touka’s a carbon copy of her, so much so, Renji had once wondered if they were clones instead. Of course, having a daughter that looks and acts a lot like her isn’t necessarily a good thing. It also means having to deal with her difficult moments and Hikari mentally salutes her own parents for dealing with her when she was a kid.

“Mom’s going to get really weak soon, you know,” Hikari explains, getting to her knees so that they are both levelled. Touka tilts her head in confusion and Hikari reaches over for Touka’s hand, before placing it on her tummy. Touka’s eyes widen instantly.

“Is it because you’re getting fat? Maybe you should exercise more!” Touka exclaims.

_Rude._

Hikari sighs, playfully patting Touka’s cheek— almost like a slap, but still not quite. “It’s because Mom’s pregnant, silly.”

“Preg… nant?”

“Yeah, Touka’s going to have a little sister or brother soon,” Hikari explains.

Touka’s eyes widen a little more, this time sparkling from the hearing revelation. A smile starts to spread on her face, her chubby cheeks dusting pink in an excited blush.

“Really?”

“Yeah!” Hikari mimics her excited tone and Touka bounces a little on her feet, squealing and giggling. She presses her other palm onto her mother’s stomach as well, marvelling at her new discovery.

“Is my sister in there?” Touka asks. “Is that why Mom’s getting fat?”

“I’m not getting fat, silly. I’ll go back to normal when your sibling is out,” Hikari explains, ruffling Touka’s hair a little. “Touka wants a sister, huh?”

“Yes! A girl! A girl!”

“But Mom wants a boy. I want a little chubby baby boy who’s sweet and gentle just like your father,” Hikari playfully sighs. “Now, what do we do?”

“If that’s what Mom wants, Touka wants it as well!” Touka cries out, clasping her hands together. “I want a little brother who’s just like Dad!”

Hikari grins, scooping Touka up in her arms as she gets up again. Her back screams in protest, but she holds her daughter close anyway. Touka giggles and leans her head against her mother, humming happily.

“So if you want your brother to be healthy when he’s born, you have to help Mom out. If not, he’s going to be weak and really sick.”

Hikari looks down at Touka, who was visibly contemplating her mother’s words, eyes scrunched up and lightly nibbling on her thumb. After a while, she looks up and grins widely.

“Okay!”

* * *

**iv. Son**

“Ah… Ahhh… Waaahhhhh!”

The house almost shakes from the piercing scream once more and Hikari slaps her forehead in exasperation. She pushes herself up from her seat and walks over to the source of the screams— the playroom a room away from her bedroom, cursing her fate of never being able to ever watch her favourite shows in peace. By the time she arrives there, Arata is already there, watching the two kids inside with a slight twitch of an eye.

“What’s going on here?” Hikari sighs.

At the sound of his mother’s voice, Ayato scrambles to his feet and scampers over to her, his body swaying slightly, still unstable from having just learnt to walk. The moment he reaches her, he clings onto her leg, burying his face into the fabric of her pants. Hikari sighs and looks over at the other child— a grinning girl, who’s obviously guilty of something, yet feigning innocence by having her hands behind her back.

“What did you do this time?” Hikari asks.

“Nothing!” Touka says defiantly. “Ayato’s being a baby.”

“Well, he _is_ a baby,” Arata says as Hikari bends over to pick the crying boy up. His face is damped with tears, his nose running a little as well. Ayato continues sobbing, but Hikari’s glad he’s no longer screaming.

“What’s that you have behind your back, Touka?” Hikari asks as she reaches over to the side for some tissue. As she cleans Ayato’s face up, Touka sways on her feet with a cheeky grin.

“Nothing, Mom. I found Ayato a gift and I wanted to give him,” Touka replies.

“That’s nice,” Arata says, nodding towards Hikari and Ayato. “Give it to him then.”

“Okay!” Touka says. She runs over to Hikari and stands before her with a wide, obviously feigned, innocent grin. Touka’s radiating mischief and Hikari knows that whatever the older sister has in her hands is no gift.

“Touka,” Hikari says warningly. “You shouldn’t bully your brother.”

“I’m not bullying him. I found a pet for us!” she says and she moves her hands to the front, unveiling the little creature she has in her hands.

“Waaaahhh!”

Ayato bursts into screams again at the sight of the brown roach standing silently in the palm of his sister’s hands.

“Touka!” Hikari cries out.

Touka grimaces at Hikari’s tone and she pulls her arms back, dropping to cockroach onto the ground. The insect scampers away from her, probably towards some dark corner of the playroom. Hikari makes a mental note to find it later on— it’s not like she can trust Arata to do it anyway. Fixing Touka with a hard enough glare to make the girl whimper out an apology, Hikari walks out of the room, leaving Arata to comfort Touka from her mother’s stern reaction. Ayato has fallen silently, though occasional sobs still spill out of his lips.

Hikari heads on to her room, though to her despair, she enters it in time to see the credits roll out on the television screen. With another sigh, she turns the television off and places Ayato on the bed. Sitting silently now, he looks up at her with wide eyes, a thumb finding its place between his lips.

“Seriously, what am I going to do with you?” she complains. “You can’t just cry because your sister showed you a roach. You need to be braver.”

Ayato stares at her in silence, eyes still as wide. They maintain eye contact for a moment before he starts looking around and soon, his attention is completely caught by something else— the rabbit plushie that sits at the back of the bed. Ayato gasps, before he turns to crawl over to it.

“Hey! I’m talking to you!” Hikari snaps. Her son pays no attention to her. He reaches for the plushie and grabs it with tiny arms. It’s almost as big as he is and he tumbles backwards taking it. He holds it close to his body, giggling as he looks at her with gleaming eyes, lips stretched into a smile so wide that his already-chubby cheeks puff up even more. Hikari sighs, climbing over to join him in bed. She takes hold of him and pulls him closer to her, making Ayato squeal and laugh for reasons beyond her.

“Hey, you little brat, isn’t it time for your nap?” she sighs.

Ayato squeals in response, wiggling in her grip and pulling himself away a little. He laughs, puffing up his cheeks and Hikari wonders how his cheeks are so chubby in the first place.

“C’mere you,” she snickers, catching him again. She leans over and when she presses a kiss on one of his cheeks, Ayato cries out in glee.

* * *

**v. Self**

It feels like she’s reliving her memories again right before her eyes. Hikari wonders briefly if she’s truly remembering things right or if she’s simply deluding herself into thinking of merely happier times— to fool herself into thinking that she’s lived a happy life.

She stands facing the Reaper as her family leaves behind her. Her ears ring from hearing Ayato calling out for her, clearly unhappy that it’s his father carrying him now and not his mother. She wants to turn back, but she doesn’t. Hikari knows that if she does, she’ll just lose all courage and strength; she’ll break down right there and then.

They’re further now, but she can hear Touka’s questions as well. She pictures the young girl grabbing her father hand, desperately trying to keep up with his pace while wondering aloud why her mother isn’t following them.

Arata must be so scared and worried. He must be hating himself right now for having to leave her behind. But what can they do when there are other things to worry about? Their world doesn’t revolve around them anymore. There’s more. They have to give themselves up, they have to give anything up, if it means that Touka and Ayato can live.

 _Please…_ she prays, but to whom she’s somewhat unsure, _give them the good life they deserve._

The Reaper raises his scythe and Hikari’s heart races. She wonders if the rush she’s feeling right now is what her parents and older brother felt all those years ago. Protecting their family, they fought with their utmost strength— just like what she’s on the verge of doing.

_Ah. Ren…_

She probably should have gone to visit him more recently. Living a peaceful life had made her too comfortable. She had begun to take a lot of things for granted. The last time she saw her brother was probably months, or even years, ago.

_I’m sorry, Ren, but Sis has to do this._

She knows he’ll understand, but she knows the pain will still kill him.

_Don’t hate Arata. He did nothing wrong. Don’t hate Touka and Ayato. They’re just kids._

_Don’t hate yourself. It’s not your fault you’re not here._

Just like her family, fighting to protect the rest of their family, Hikari knows that day is her last. Choosing to see the light in her life gives her strength, but it pulls her back a little when she thinks the ones she left behind will look back at these moments with sadness now.

_This is the kind of life we live…_

They’re predators-turned-prey.

_We can only live like this…_

She wonders what exactly was so wrong about her existence. The answer is right there, but she questions it nonetheless. After all, what’s the difference between the killer in her and the killer in the Reaper before her.

She knows there’s no way out, but she fights with her all, pushing through with the love and strength of a woman so desperate and driven— that of a sister, a wife and a mother. She has a family to protect and protect she shall, even at the cost of her life— Renji, her timid and shy little brother; Arata, her stupid but caring husband; Touka, her cheeky but sweet little girl; Ayato, her pampered baby boy.

_No matter what…_

_I will protect you._

**Author's Note:**

> I love Hikari so much honestly. I just want a whole TG prequel about her.


End file.
